Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
