I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
