another moral hangover. fuck.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
