I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
