He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
