I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
MIDGETS
????
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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