I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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