Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
