What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
