I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
