some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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