i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
