I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
