Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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