Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
