I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
