If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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