Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
