i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
