And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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