I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
