There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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