Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
