"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
