I'm so fucking centered right now
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
The ass gains better be worth it
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