btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
