either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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