So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
