my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize