I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
