You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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