i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
