Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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