Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
