Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
They are going to name an STD after you.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
