..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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