i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
