Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
high people should be assigned attendants
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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