shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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