I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
