So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
