he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
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