At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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