i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
