i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
