ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I am spending my child support on dildos
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
