Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
