i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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