every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize