Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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