So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
