Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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