So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
