worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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