She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize