This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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