yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I think people are normalizing furries
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
