So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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