Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
