It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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