I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
