Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
