I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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