oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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