I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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